Saturday, May 31, 2008

Paying My Bills Through Prayer

Click images to enlarge.

I got a letter from the Prophet Peter Popoff today. It didn't include the promised Moldavite Crystal Pendant or any other faith additives. Dangit. No miracle manna, no chips of moldavite, no pendant, no ribbons or cloth, no coins, I feel so cheated.

If I've ever needed a supernatural intervention, it's right now! Or so says the Prophet. He promises to help me pay my highest bill. Something has told him that I recently received a large bill that I cannot pay. I WISH it was just the one bill! All I have to do is perform this little overnight ritual and then mail him 10% of the amount due (to show my faith and obedience) along with a corner torn from the bill itself and he'll go to the God Bank (via prayer) for me and see what he can do. He advises me to select the highest bill I have for this appeal to God. I'm sure this has nothing to do with him getting a higher cut this way.

This man has NO shame. I suppose I've seen worse done in the name of God, but really, how has he not been arrested for these scams? In addition to suggesting I send him 10% of my highest bill, there is also space on the enclosed form for me to make an offering to God--his minimum suggestion as to what God would most appreciate is $20. Would that even be enough to buy the J-man and his posse afternoon lattes at Starbucks?

His theme for this letter? Philippians 4:19--And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

What's funniest to me about the letters he sends is how he weaves New Age spirituality (trés Law of Attraction) and Pagan ritual in with Christianity. The ritual for this letter's "magic" reeks of Edgar Cayce, ".... put it [the bill] in your Bible..... Leave it there overnight and put your Bible under you pillow as you sleep." Okay, I've totally tried to learn the way Edgar Cayce did and I've never gotten anything out of it but a crick in my neck.

His signature is printed on this letter, it's very telling. It's full of hooks, suggesting someone who LOVES to acquire and have and collect. And he X's through his family name, suggesting some rather interesting father issues. I'd love to know more about that! His writing is full of sharp angles and wicked slashes, I don't think he uses those hands just for healing.

3 comments:

Jean Levert Hood said...

kind of makes me sick. Send him 10% of your largest bill??? That's a new one. Pathetic.

Ann Marie said...

I am so glad that you have the insight to not believe this a$$ hole.

Ann

Genie said...

Hi Ann, yeah--you describe him well. But the junk mail from him IS kind of fun.